—jun 13 2026
Don't Look At This Date
GAME OVER
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fascinating dilemma i was presented with in vc: would you rather ur attic contain 1000 cockroaches (some of which are early in their lifespan, some of which are late in their lifespan) or contain a perfectly healthy man named daniel who watches u in ur room thru a one-way mirror which becomes transparent on both ends once every 30 minutes and he can communicate thru writing on paper and there's a 1-millimeter button in the attic that plays a wacky noise that he could accidentally step on and from there decide whether or not he wants to keep intentionally pressing it on a whim (but that's a big 'if') ... i chose daniel in a heartbeat
update im hearing: the attic person in this hypothetical has come out as nonbinary
update im hearing: what if it was shigeru miyamoto observing the games you play and determining whether they appeared to be Rushed or Delayed and he said one of ur favorite games was rushed and held up two signs saying "Rushed" instead of just one (and at first ur thinking he's like undecided and just gonna hold up Rushed and Delayed simultaneously but no he just has two Rushed signs) and you found out he was homophobic and biphobic but not transphobic
update im hearing: what if it was 1 giant cockroach vs 1000 small men
update im hearing: what if it was 1 dead fish vs 500 dollars
update i contributed: what if the dollars were fish-sized (open to interpretation)
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grateful i did not dream anything cockroach-related last night despite the above immediately preceding my sleep
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I Have Plans That I Cannot Share With You Right Now Because The Haters Will Sabotage Me. I Have Plans That I Cannot Share With You Right Now Because The Haters Will Sabotage Me. I Have Plans That I Cannot Share With You Right Now Because The Haters Will Sabotage Me.
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this is my life song ♪
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studying the BLeeM method of achieving inner peace out of spite
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important friend-taught method: scratching palms as part of handwashing regimen
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vocab addition of the day: "fandomite" (per my interpretation: discursively bloodthirsty functionally 'antifan'-esque fandom-dweller [derogatory])
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the 800-page jest milestone approaches...
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this lp codenamed "wolves" is definitely S-tier in the WIP Roxy Radclyffe Albums tier list
(by "codenamed" really i mean like thats a less revealing shorthand version of the actual already-existing full title. and this shorthand is what is used for the project files (i.e "wolves1.flp")
—jun 12 2026
more evidence for my recent proposition that sex negativity among the average active social media userbase is falling out of fashion...
(screenshot for posterity)
(found via friend sharing the link in a discord text channel; i have not browsed the twitter timeline independently in years because i love myself)
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caveat i forgot to mention regarding the transferring of art diaries over to somewhere on this site:: even tho the music zone as a whole is far too vast to easily port i do think i should at least carry over any available writings abt my 5-star zone bc those r just a small fraction and obv the most important for me to immortalize
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wonder whatever happened to the terms "inclusionist" & "exclusionist" ..like for a time around 2020 those were right on par w/ ""proship"" & ""anti"" in terms of inescapability within frivolous ultra-insular queer discourse™ in my experience, the type of thing u would always specify ur position on with ur gay little "DNI", but only the shipping dichotomy persisted in the long run . havnt seen "exclus dni" in years! guess there just wasn't enough room for more than one form of queer friendly fire psyop in the collective consciousness
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"subconscious" being both an adjective and a noun when "subconscience" is right there ready to fulfill the noun role is so fucked up WHY IS THAT FORM CONSIDERED INCORRECT!!!!! GRRRRRR (edit: because conscience being a synonym for consciousness is itself apparently considered Obsolete and therefore "subconscience" would not describe what u are intending to describe. so my real beef is witgh the definition of conscience now i guess)
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World is so funnyfunny ....
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i will single-handedly make em dashes socially acceptable again. stop the slander
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yesterday i saved a digital life
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i have begun inducting thoughts from the aforementioned "previous space of this nature house in discord" into the reality.html canon . theres just gonna be a big gap between aug 2025 and jun 2026 where i stopped using it
2025 covered ! leaving it at that for now .one yr at a time...
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method: fingergun at every mirror u see
—jun 11 2026
IMPORTANT:: THE METHOD NOBODY'S TALKING ABOUT:: always call urself "silly" instead of "stupid" when uve just done something kinda stupid. been practicing this for a couple yrs or so and it genuinely makes a difference in reducing frustration. say NO to self-loathing
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might port over some old thoughts of note from my previous space of this nature housed in discord but we'll seeeeeeeeeee if i can mentally/temporally stomach sifting thru much of that
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lowkey ive been having more fun with e6dle than i ever have with wordle (no hate to wordle it's a great brain exercise in its own right but like obv e6dle is more catered to my interests and carries with it a lot of genuinely interesting sociological queries on the subject of fetishism). i have found myself sucking at it more often than i ever wouldve expected tho like holy shit some of these questions make me feel like a fake furry it's brutal . but sometimes i do really well! but #11 was not one of those times (2/6: ⬡⬣⬡⬡⬡⬣) and even one of the questions i got right [2] was damn near a coinflip for me bc i'd never heard of either of those tags and just had to make a lightly educated guess based on tangentially related things
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maybe making the 27-hour harsh noise box set one of my ongoing multi-day listening projects during a period of general exhaustion wasn't the wisest move but i'm already 8 discs deep teehee :3 its fine anyway i can just procrastinate hearing the rest until i feel more ready to
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other desire for the future of this site i forgot to mention: would also like to port over my art diaries currently hosted on rateyourmusic, which is a Doable prospect for all except the music one bc that's fuckin huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge it's already a lost cause without some kind of automation involved. but like with the other artforms' respective diaries theyre either comparatively small or woefully incomplete atm anyway so yea not too big of a deal to manually copy over if need be. would jst need to figure out the ideal sorting/formatting of it all .. in any case yea i jst want as much of that stored somewhere more secure-feeling if possible, not that i'm distrusting of rym (ive explained why i Do in fact trust the site's operation in that one blog post) but ya never know, i am th kind of person who feels most peace of mind when having local copies of everything
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after writing an album like Aeoutical Thenkismet i've noticed how even some of my Not deliberately nonsensical lyricism could still totally come across as such and i don't Mind that necessarily cuz i've always been fond of abstract writing but it is kinda funny the way some distinctions like that could only rly be apparent to me . like who is going to intuitively understand that "prizes hide in a cyan binder inside her" means something to the effect of 'beneath the coat of performative masculinity exists a genderqueer beauty waiting to escape' or that "glad he's crashing, erratic, exactly as was schematically flattened for emphatic pattings of backs" means something to the effect of 'oppressive forces internal and/or external congratulate themselves for their induced upholding of the status quo' yknow
(both of those examples are from a currently unreleased track btw oooooooo Exclusive Preview)
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i think being an Experimental Artist™ is smth that made me particularly predisposed to advocating for nuanced engagement with taboo fiction nd such; it's probably easier to have anarchic views on art As An Artist yknow, like i see how there could be more of a tangible incentive to explore when ur the one in control .. more reason to promote active creation and not jst passive consumption !
u could say im like a "free speech absolutist" for art but it's hard to shake the association that term has with washed-up comedians arguing they should be able to say racial slurs without social consequence or w/e sooooooooooooo better workshop an alternative :P
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i need to get a new 'shooing away intrusive thoughts' vocal stim that isn't just "Kill Everyone Now" like following the logic of the "silly" vs. "stupid" thing it stands to reason that the negativity of this stim has its emotional drawbacks
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You're the most updated site ever!
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ohhhhhhhhhh the replacement is Chill Everyone Now
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entering this page will become a library of babel-esque experience
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the term "puriteen" frustrates me bc — aside from sounding rather silly — on some level it is useful shorthand for describing a pretty specific phenomenon but im really not on board with framing it as just a Teen Thing . like would i wager a majority of ppl of that mindset fall somewhere within the teenage demographic? sure, i wouldn't be surprised (esp knowing i had similar impulses at that age), but turning the whole thing into just another generational divide is really not getting to the heart of the issue uknow . not to mention i have encountered at least a handful of 21+-level individuals who evidently never just Grew Out Of It. there r forces at play far more sinister than merely pubescent immaturity ...
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in light of him insinuating a 19 y/o trans girl is a predator for dating a 17 y/o, i am calling it now: within a couple years sebastian wolff is going to reveal himself as a #DropTheT type of trans-exclusionary gay man and triple down on it like he does with everything . every day it gets more embarrassing for toby fox to be professionally associated w/ his evil doppelganger
—jun 10 2026
the weird thing abt theoretical future irl connections i must come to terms with is the possibility of niche ideological misalignment (the kind that conventionally has little to no bearing on out-of-digital-plane reality [i.e my stance against the 'callout' format, in defense of taboo fiction, etc.]) and how exactly that may manifest if said connection were to dig a little too deep into my body of work (which would be incredibly dishonest of me to outright conceal out of sheer avoidance of this specific scenario; my art represents so much of who/what i am; so like i just gotta make peace w the fact that shit may or may not hit the fan face-to-face with a nearby stranger-turned-acquaintance-turned-hater [which is why it would be so mmuch nicer to jst regularly hang irl w the people i already know nd love nd trust in my online realmzz ;; if only it were that simple ... if only teleportation or at least highspeed rail])
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and on a tangentially related note i do not wish to be primarily known as a provocateur like that is undoubtedly an element of what i do but also:: i do think i'm entering an era where it's time for that to take a backseat for a lil while, not out of desire to like manufacture a more palatable image or w/e i just mean like as a continued celebration of versatility uknow. would be ideal to go at least a few albums without some kind of screed against a very specific philosophical opponent. plus i tire of the misanthropy induced by indulging in too many of such things; it is emotionally exhausting for me
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this place is nice i think i needed somewhere to occupy the niche of like, somewhere between a 2hot4tv Journal Entry in my Life Diary for My Eyes Only and a Methodically-Written Blog Post In Its Own Entire Html File and it is my hope that by jotting things down here as i please i will free up room in the brain and make that pesky fog dissipate
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the one thing that's stuck with me the most abt the whole hbomberguy effectively inciting another wave of harassment towards patricia taxxon debacle is that legendarily godawful lily alexandre post reading "I think 'lolicon' is worse than underpaying a freelancer" paired with that one reaction image of the painting of the guy bravely standing up; i cannot think of a single more succinct embodiment of Selective Leftism Which Dissipates When Given the Opportunity to Perform Instinctual Disgust than this. to place a type of Taboo Hentai (which — barring very specific circumstances [i.e directly modeling a character after a real person's likeness or smth; that'd be coming dangerously close to deepfake porn on the Unethical Faps scale imo] — requires no form of real-world sexual exploitation whatsoever to function) above Actual Material Exploitation Of A Real Living Person's Labor in terms of severity is genuinely mind-boggling. like this is flunking leftism 101 and yet she's a fuckin Political Video Essayist™ lol (which i get isn't the most prestigious of credentials but yknow i'd like to think an essayist would have at least above-average capacity to think through their positions.) What Are We Doing Here. the only way that statement could possibly add up is via reliance on a 'video games cause violence'-tier argument treating this particular form of cartoon porn as either morally equivalent to or at the very least inspiring real-life CSEM, a patently absurd angle still predicated on little more than instinctual disgust, only now half-heartedly rationalized. and that is exactly what patricia was interrogating in the first place, as someone who is disgusted by loli hentai herself! yet for daring to even question the most common arguments here, she is inevitably billed as being "PRO-LOLICON" which must equal "PEDOPHILE" which must equal DIE and et cetera. same old "tranny is a pedo", different coat of paint. really disappointing to see essayists i'd previously considered quite thoughtful falling for this shit v_v i totally understand the impulse to just default to the popular position bc like yea it's an exceptionally tricky topic with exceptionally limited (if not outright negative for most) return on investment, but u don't gotta actively throw ur own kind under the bus in the process uknow. like lily wasn't even being directly pressed on the matter to my knowledge, she just inserted herself into the situation bc she saw an easy target, so i find it difficult to write off as merely begrudging self-preservation
in the aftermath of all this i saw a post pointing out that by conflating lolicon with CSEM ppl are "doing epstein's work for him" and while that is kind of a hyperbolic way to put it i do think the underlying sentiment is devastatingly true; who else but child exploiters stand to benefit from the muddying of the definition of child exploitation? who else but child exploiters stand to benefit from us bickering about Icky Drawings instead of confronting the harrowing reality? it sure as hell aint benefiting children! u are allowed to personally find The Weirdo Hentai off-putting but holy shit get some fucking perspective. anyway back to being less of a provocateur ^-^ just needed to get tht rant out of my system
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more on the point of "totally understand the impulse to just default to the popular position [...]" :: this is def smth i need to reckon with more when it comes to the most esoteric of my views in general, like being willing to accept that even some ppl i'm rather close with may fall into this camp, and that it doesn't mean we're necessarily Incompatible .. suppose that brings me back to the initial thought of the day tho, that weird dynamic of having to wonder what would happen if a positionally-uncertain friend dug deep enough into my works nd ramblings to find smth they'd instinctually disagree with, whether or not that'll be sufficient cause for my disposal, this discursive cloud looming over me .. but i would like to believe that when it comes to already-long-established friends (esp ones i hang out with on the regular) they would surely at least be willing to hear me out and recognize what is/is not actually occurring even if it did come to that . and the fact that the ppl im thinking of are already capable of recognizing the frivolity of the callout format nd such (based on prior banter & conversations) is my primary beacon of hope in this regard, like theyve already got the Foundation required to recognize the responsible way to interface w that kind of friction. Everything is a process
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dont know when ill have time to set this up but let it be known that in the future i would love for the 'visual' section of my site to feature super robust tagged sortable galleries like the one seen here and ideally have different galleries for different Contexts of visual art (i.e album covers vs. art assembled for its own sake alone and even memes [the inclusion of which would serve as a great illustration of my all-encompassing anarchic outlook on "art" as a category])
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it's funny how long i've been deliberating over whether or not i can reasonably induct david foster wallace into my list of primary writing influences without yet having 100% finished the first book of his i'm currently reading (infinite jest) . i'm over 700 pages in at this point which is like 3 average-length books' worth of material if u think abt it and i could already feel the influence seeping in way sooner than that so im jst gonna say fuck it and go ahead and add him. the honesty/accuracy of the list takes precedence over whether or not i've "earned" the "right" to invoke a given name :P
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just noticed the back button at the top of this page appears to be off-center (or actually i think it's the body of the whole page that's off-center from the button rather than vice versa) for some inexplicable reason but fuck it we ball . adds to the freeform nature of it all
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smth interesting i've noticed is how among a broad sect of the internet populous it seems as though sex negativity has finally fallen back out of fashion ? anecdotally speaking at least:: i see how the rowdiest among my Guy Friends — who for a time would have been the very same ppl scoffing at sexual humor w those reaction images along the lines of "Haha Get It The Joke Is Porn" or w/e — are not only regularly making willfully graphic jokes of that ilk at each other, but also openly exchanging links to softcore hentai drawings as like a half-humorous half-communal ritual of sorts, which again stands in stark contrast to the previous status quo among this sect of my social circle, who as i recall had just kinda quietly determined at some point that sharing porn with each other got to be 'weird' as we grew out of teendom. but now it's back! and kinda suddenly! and i'm not sure why this happened but it is kinda heartwarming to me. more broadly speaking u can also see this phenomenon in the lexical addition of "W Faps" / "W Goons", which can similarly operate with that sort of pseudo-ironic half-communal tonality from what i've gathered, albeit depending on context. it's like these ppl are starting to be willing to admit that jacking off is actually Really Fucking Normal and leave behind the "ughhhh freaking Gooners :/" mentality but the mask hasnt quite fully come off yet
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there is a possibility this page could backfire insofar as prompting my brain to like Manufacture thoughts suited for casual immortalization rather than let out what's already in there (bc there is smth oddly satisfying abt filling this page up with more and more text) but it is my hope that will calm down with time, we r still in the honeymoon period here
—jun 9 2026
in the aftermath of attending a seemingly unprecedented local pride event and making effortless conversation w/ someone there :: i have come to realize that contrary to my prior belief of many years, i am probably not actually an introvert
like its really just a matter of being around my ideal people
which was already made obvious by the fact of my historically near-constantly high energy in group voice chats w/ my online friends
it is only normies that make me behave reclusively
and unfortunately i simply do not often get the opportunity to break that mold IRL as opposed to online
—aug 6 2025
forgot to mention yesterday on the way back to the train station i swear to god i saw a truck go by that said "DYKE INDUSTRIES"
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now begins the getting used to having actual monitor-sized monitors again process ....
—aug 5 2025
the way back home has begun
managed to say goodbye without immediately crying my eyes out 0_0 the process is getting easier ..
helps to have the peace of mind of knowing The Train Method is so viable
this time i wasn’t assigned a specific seat for some reason so i jst kinda aimlessly roamed around til i found a good one
2 weeks def still feel like the perfect amount of time for these trips
plenty of time to do lots of stuff without too much pressure and i feel ready to go home by the end
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i see a guy producing in ableton rn that’s an awesome thing to just casually do on a train
—jul 30 2025
society if my gfs place didnt contain the loudest fucking chihuahua known to man
nothing can convince me those things arent demonspawn
—jul 25 2025
what if instead of sematary he was called sanatery and made songs about personal hygiene
—jul 21 2025
now on the train !
it was so fucking loud when it pulled up to the station
i could only cover one ear cuz my hands were full
but it’s chill now that i’m inside
even the cheaper coach class has been perfectly fine so far i don’t rly see how this is The Dirty Poor Experience
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i was struggling to figure out where the restroom might be and then i remembered where it is in the movie train to busan
so educational ❤️
weird experience tho it can get wobbly as hell in there
pissing during an earthquake
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made it to her house safely ^_^
—jul 19 2025
on monday i will be boarding a train for the first time ever 0_0
the meetup method has changed
—may 20 2025
had a rather funny response to the latest Random Spider Event (i threw my tissue box at it. this was not very effective
tthankfully reinforcements were called successfully
—may 14 2025
ths dentist appointment gave fairly good news considering i havent been there in like several years
dont have any actual cavities somehow
but apparently my teeth are weaker than average adn i really need to start flossmaxing or else ill need a lot of work done in the future
also will need my wisdom teeth removed sooner rather than later
one of them is even growing in sideways adn could damage a buncha other shit if it goes on like that
—may 13 2025
tfw internet briefly goes down for no discernible reason (as it tends to do occasionally) but by the time it comes back for a minute dad has started fucking around with the router and made it go down again because he must involve himself in everything
—may 11 2025
crazy how ceiling fans havent figured out a better method of control than pull the chain over and over until it randomly decides to do what you want
i have never been able to figure out where im at in the cycle
—apr 30 2025
iit;s my gf's birthday now she;s 22 and im 21 wtf!!!!!! we have a problematic age gap of 4 months 💔
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second side of homestuck epilogues complete ✅
incredibly funny reading all of that and being totally blown away by it then continuing where i left off in sarah z's homestuck vid only to hear her casually brush it off like Ermmmm Yea That Was NOT What The Fans Wanted and like ok man i guess the fans are just wrong about everything
im used to being the only one who actually gets the things i enjoy
—apr 29 2025
binged all ~300 pages of homestuck epilogues volume candy today alone
at this point im pretty sure ive done more book reading in april of 2025 than in the entire rest of my life combined
i also finished 1984 this morning
—apr 27 2025
ways in which the roxy radclyffe discography will specifically spite playlist users:
- if skits are present, include them as part of a song rather than their own dedicated interlude track (IN PROGRESS)
- make sure every song noticeably transitions smoothly into the next to form a continuous singular object (SOME DAY)
- publish the album as one long track regardless of how many distinct sections it may contain (DEFINITELY INEVITABLE)
Death to all but the Album
—apr 26 2025
had a small bite of ice cream for th first time (mint flavor) . this too was tragically meltier than expected
very unusual situation where the aftertaste was far better than the feeling of actually consuming it
—apr 25 2025
for th second time in my life i hav been offered a pizza and was so repulsed i couldnt even coax myself to take a test bite
not so lucky w this food but o well i dont regret agreeing to See it ,i liek that these visits give me opportunities to branch out
tbf tho andria said this particular one just wasnt very good evn by pizza standards after having a slice
and i am inclined to believe that even as an outsider
just looked way more squishy & slimy n shit than i was imagining
i need something i can Chomp on
—apr 24 2025
its absurd how often i see youtube commenters point something out only to be like EDIT: oh ok you actually mentioned that already
how is it not common sense to watch the video before commenting
this isnt even exclusive to particularly long videos !
the insatiable desire to thrust yourself into the conversation despite having no real insight iis a powerful thing
—apr 22 2025
i notice youtube auto captions have suddenly started using capitalization & punctuation with eerie accuracy
strange
—apr 19 2025
how it feels to reopen a project file after months and find out your past self got way more of it done than you remembered
—apr 9 2025
tabbing into discord on mobile keeps taking like upwards of 10 seconds to load and even relaunching doesn’t seem to fix it anymore
when that planned obsolescence hits 😝
they’ll have to pry this iphone xr from my cold dead hands
—apr 3 2025
realizing how odd it is that bohemian rhapsody is sometimes viewed as an "NPC" choice of favorite song bc the song itself is nowhere near generic even within its genre
like i guess it is a kind of baby's first weird song but even that is weirder than i would expect for something so ridiculously universal yknow
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best part of the new controller is how it just Works and i dont have to go desperately searching HOW TO MAKE xyz COMPATIBLE WITH STEAM CONTROLLER because nobody uses that shit
also must be a more ergonomic design bc i have not gotten the giga wrist pain of hell even with nearly a week of daily use
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dude how are we still not done with the circle icon plague
now tumblr has succumbed to it and also somehow discord applied it to windows notifications
i genuinely dont understand the thought process bc it seems directly at odds with the ruthlessly minimal Function Over Form mindset that has dominated corporate design for the past decade
making it so you cant see as much of the pfp is objectively less functional
it is purely a form thing
so Why
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skipping around the nintendo treehouse and im in awe at the hubris of their PAID TUTORIAL including a quiz about the console's features. theyre fuckin giving u homework
How well do you remember our awesome innovations :)
also very funny how the chat is such constant outrage over the pricing that even the shitty ai summary recognized it
never seen chat llike this in my life
nintendo needs to be humbled again they got too comfortable
the gamecube flopping gave us the wii and the wii u flopping gave us the switch
the cycle continues .
—apr 1 2025
this is the year i begin sympathizing with people who hate april fools day
really not feeling up to it this time
—mar 23 2025
tfw i just wanted to access my nintendo switch purchase history to help fill out my game diary but the battery was dead so i charged it for like an hour and barely got to 15% and then when i went to the eshop i was told i needed a system update and then i was told there's no internet so i spent like half an hour troubleshooting that and could not get it connect no matter what although i did get it to connect to a mobile hotspot but by the time i did that the battery was already back at 1% so its gonna take another hour of charging
Destroy All Technology
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how it feels to suddenly remember something u should do but then find out ur past self already took care of it and u simply forgot
thinking of tasks as making things easier for future roxy genuinely gives me more motivation in general
precisely for those moments
—mar 18 2025
there was a part in my dream where undertale got updated with a sprint functionality and the walk cycle for it was really overanimated like one of those nes mario shitposts
—mar 15 2025
earlier mom had to explain to dad why we weren't able to change the gender on any of my identification (hint: The Guy He Willingly Fucking Voted For) and he appeared to be genuinely baffled
im taking that with a grain of salt bc he's always on some level of disingenuous mind games but if theres even a modicum of truth there i have no idea how thats the case
how the hell are you gonna have fox news on 24/7 and not be aware that eliminating trans people from public life is a top-level gop position
its all they fuckin talk about besides le scary immigrants
—mar 13 2025
currently on dmv attempt 2
odds seem much better this time
had to get up slightly early for this bc we had to get smth notarized at the bank first
and then rush here asap
we got here 2 and a half hours sooner than last time and thankfully that seems to have been enough
was worried i’d have to get up Really early next time
there appears to be two other trans girls in this line
godspeed to them
unfortunately not potential irl friend material tho bc they look no older than like 15
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i got let in earlier than expected bc some other lady came by to check the line and apparently updating ur ID is worthy of prioritizing
besides the name i also succeeded in getting a more flattering angle for the photo
the devious “M” in the sex field will be no match for me …
i fuckin trimmed my eyebrows for this and everything
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at one point i was asked why i chose the name roxy and i just had to say "its a long story" because i am not about to explain to this dmv worker what furries are and what homestuck is
(as a reminder, the true backstory is: wanted an R name for my fursona --> some guy suggests "roxy" and later reveals he chose that as a reference to homestuck character roxy lalonde --> i eventually adopt my fursona's name as my real name)
—mar 10 2025
now in dmv line purgatory for the second time in my life (for updated id w the proper name
this one is even longer than last time ._.
despite our best efforts to show up early
and it’s raining
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ok nevermind got sent home bc the line was so long that it exceeded their limit for the whole day
incredible
wouldn’t be a dmv trip without something going wrong and having to make a second attempt next week
we’re gonna have to camp out absurdly early to even have a chance
it’s the fuckin dmv why is it always packed like a new console release
—feb 16 2025
it is so weird how often firefox's spellcheck will gaslight me and i have to manually add a completely real word to its dictionary
just now it underlined "synergize" for instance
—feb 2 2025
major consequence of cashews now being a core part of my diet: the tobuscus viral song is guaranteed to pop into my head at some point every single day
i am NEVER forgetting these things come from a fruit
—feb 1 2025
had the realization that i can't really think of any post-2016 youtube videos that are outright Nostalgic to me despite feeling nostalgia for certain non-youtube things past that era . like that specific medium is just uniquely immune now
the vibe shift was really just that strong
—jan 29 2025
🚨 NEW-ISH ROXY DIET ADDITION 🚨
i am now having fish sticks as my routine lunch instead of graham crackers
these were aweosme
there was a time where i was actively having fish sticks back when i was 9-ish but they mustve been a different brand bc i ended up having sensory issues w them and so i stopped
like w those old ones i always found myself peeling off the sides bc they got all crusty n shit idk how to explain it
but no such issue w the ones i just had
this is like what i was hoping to get out of the mozarella sticks
nice crispy bread thing w decently nutritional stuffing but without the goopy mess
—jan 28 2025
it's actually insane how effective these cashews are at keeping me filled while i'm either busy & delaying the next meal or anxiously waiting for it
both kinds of unnecessary self-destructive hunger have been completely eliminated
i am not used to having food that actually does its job
literally just snack on those for a few mins and im good
—jan 27 2025
🚨 NEW ROXY DIET ADDITION 🚨
Cashews are pretty decent :)
i was talking to my mom abt my lack of nutrients and how i frequently go to bed hungry despite having 5 "meals" per day and she offered those to try
i think i tried a couple once and didnt care for it but this time i gave it a better shot and they grew on me
still not crazy abt them but they're pleasant enough
that should help fill in those gaps while im still figuring out replacements for the core parts of this diet
just a solid healthy thing to snack on whenever i deem necessary
i remember always seeing nuts mentioned whenever i tried researching healthy weight gain foods so good to have something like that on hand now
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i've had this hypothesis that chan-brand transphobic lingo has become so cryptic & insular that it's completely ineffective at offending anyone in the wild and i am witnessing corroboration of this in real time
been tuned into sarah z's trans charity stream for a bit and there's this one person in chat sporadically dropping messages like that and literally no one has acknowledged it in any way
they have not been banned or anything
the fundamental contradiction w these people is that they try to use dogwhistles as if they're slurs
and those things just do not serve the same purpose
are you trying to sneakily signal to your base or trying to directly insult your targets
it can't be both at once
—jan 24 2025
i wish i could temporarily opt out of having such vivid dreams every night bc i feel like theyre making my brain fog harder to deal with
just having all this excess information floating around in my mind for the rest of the day and sometimes forgetting what was real
—jan 16 2025
started thinking about my one bizarre childhood experience w chick-fil-a
his wouldve been when i was like 9 or so
i convinced my mom to take me there just so i could see their playground area
and i was baffled by the way it was set up
normally i would imagine those restuarant play areas being out in the open right
but for some reason this one is just fuckin. locked away in a small rectangular room behind a door
iirc it at least had big windows covering most of the wall but it was still very isolating to go in there
the silence made me uncomfortable
and it was so cramped that the only thing there was just one big slide filling up the whole room
for some reason, instead of going up the stairs/ladder/whatever it was to reach the top, i start climbing into the tube to reach the top
and i get fucking jumpscared by this loud cartoon slide whistle sound effect which i guess is supposed to be motion activated as you're sliding down
but i activated it by climbing up
and that scarred me enough to just get the hell out of there
unironically that was a real-life liminal horror experience i wish i could get a proper visual of the area
—jan 15 2025
ive barely had andria's fidget cube for a month and the rolling side is already no longer working as intended
like the cogs have no resistance anymore and the ball can’t be clicked
my body is a machine that fidgets too hard
no cube can handle me
we'll see how long the other sides last
—jan 12 2025
might look into making a kofi page at some point this year since it seems to be the only platform of its kind that isnt complete dogshit or otherwise unviable atm (although i am open to suggestions)
patreon: some new policy change scandal every few months, totally unsustainable
subscribestar: by & for the far right, makes no attempt to hide it, still somehow widely adopted
onlyfans: Not yet.
i like that kofi just kinda does Everything and has built-in commission options n shit i feel like thatd be a more accessible way to do that
bc i know from experience how miserable it is to REACH OUT with YOUR WORDS as A SOCIAL PERSON rather than just filling out a form
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pulled off the most insane dm multitask sequence of my life jesus christ
5 people this time i think thats a new record
so-called Year of Trimming when THE SWARM arrives:
—jan 5 2025
24 hours without a new upload in my youtube subscriptions im in heaven
nature is healing
—jan 4 2025
day 2 of balatro and it already appeared in my dreams
they were not lying about that shit being crack
—jan 2 2025
me triple checking every time that i'm correctly clicking "Remove friend" and not accidentally typing up a message that says "Hello friend I miss you.. What if we kissed" and pressing enter and starting a video call and putting my credit card up to the camera
—jan 1 2025
i believe my theme for 2025 is Year of Trimming , sorta continuing 2024's Year of Unfinished Business but with a more specific emphasis on decreasing overwhelm and having fewer simultaneous plans by the end of it
whatever ends up happening with my projects i still expect to accomplish this in at least some capacity since there is the whole internet detox thing slotted for march
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now i wait for last.fm to realize what year it is so i can get an actually good wrapped of my listening habits ^_^
patience is a virtue . the mainstream services delivering their wraps the fucking instant it turns december is stupid !!!! december music exists !!!!
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first major act of trimming complete ✅ {looked thru all youtube subscriptions listed A-Z and pruned from there rather than jsut waiting for them to appear}
almost all the ones i cut were just completely dead channels but still
next will be scanning discord friends list for people i forgot existed